I Failed Spectacularly

Dear Africana Woman,

I failed spectacularly. Recently, I was interviewed on a podcast where someone asked me why Weakness was part of the acronym KNOW. I went on to explain that Weakness is not a bad thing. It is an act of vulnerability where you surrender yourself to your higher power by admitting you don’t have control. This makes way for the super to be added to your natural. Another way of looking at weakness is equating it to failure. I said, "If you are not failing you are not growing.” And guys if you are not growing then you are dying. To fail is to learn, it is to adapt, it is to evolve, it is a powerful tool to get better. Well …. easier said than done, because I have been failing spectacularly since I moved to Kabwe.

People keep telling me. “Chulu I see you are doing all of these things. Things are going well.” Hmmm my experience of what people see is entirely contrary. Yes I have been hosting a number of events, but really they have all been experiments to see what do I really like to do? What don’t I like to do? Who can I work with? Who can I trust? Who gets things done? How do I feel? How do I react when people do not show up for an event? How do I lead my team in those low moments? Who am I as a leader? Odd as it may seem for a long time I did not believe I was a leader. Only recently have I started to embrace that role.

As I have been experimenting I think I also got lost. Fortunately, I have found my way back to what I want to do. The other day my friend called me a visionary. Sigh. It is a good and a bad thing because being a visionary is all about timing. If you try to push your idea too soon the people around you may not be ready for it. It wasn’t a bad idea, it just wasn’t the right time. I am still navigating how to address this. Does one roll out the idea in pieces and then let it unfold in a natural way even though I have seen what is ahead? In many ways I think I need a ying to my yang who can reign me in, and ground me to the present by saying one day at a time.