Dear Africana Woman,
How are you? We are literally a few weeks away from ushering in a new year. What are your plans for the end of the year? Drop them in the comments. I must say this last week has been at a welcome slow pace. Maybe too slow. Let’s do a quick recap. I went for a women’s networking event (I know! I am still trying until I find my tribe). I am actually attending another one today. I think the ladies had interesting stories to share but there was not much new content I could personally learn and apply to my own ventures. I am also doing a birthday photoshoot….
Oh jeez let me tell you my clothing Disasters. There was a day I decided to dress up because I usually dress down. You see in my office when I am dressed up they ask me, where are you going, I used to look at them confused and answer, “Work.” Anyway, I have given up. On this day I dressed up, even slapped on a ka lipstick. I get to the office and as I am jumping out of the car I notice that I am still wearing my house flip flops and I had not exchanged them for my work sandals. I was like I am not going back and I walked into that office as if I was wearing Prada. Okay a couple days later I wear a black trousers, its kinda snug but if I sit down it won’t rip at the back. You know how you do a, ‘Can I sit’ test of your clothes sometimes. It passed. I get to the office not more than 10 minutes and the zip broke, then I am told we are going off site to do marketing research at multiple locations. Here’s the thing, even if I wanted to go home and change there was nothing to change into, everything doesn’t quite fit. So I decided my top was long enough and I could get away with it. And that’s what I did. Babe, how are you regulating your weight ayi? Well truth is I am not exercising the way I used to. Anyway, I have got to figure this out.
I have also been on a mission to dye my hair white or grey. Yeah, I know, so sexy. I asked around for references. Funny enough both were men. The only problem is the supply of stock is limited, so the only colours available are blonde. That’s not my WhatsApp group so kaya I will just have to wait patiently. Any tips on your experiences with dying short natural hair are most welcome.
Ooooo then I started Good Morning Beautiful on the first day of this month. This is something I do with the ladies I work with. It is basically journal prompts with instructions of exercises or action points, in the form of voice notes. Whenever, we are winding down the KNOW your Purpose programs, I ask for feedback. These voice notes are consistently the part of the program that the ladies say they will miss the most. Now, I have seen how many countries are going back into lockdowns as winter fast approaches, there is tension around the US elections and quite frankly every woman has had their sanity tested this year. So I decided it would be something nice to open up to the public. For about 3 minutes every morning, you get a reminder of how amazing you are. If you are receiving Good Morning Beautiful messages let everyone know how it’s going in the comments. And my Darling you are more than welcome to join any single day. Even if its day 29. Okay? Cool. You do need WhatsApp though.
Fantastic. Now you are all caught up. I made some business cards that I absolutely adore. On them are three slogans that I would love to explain to you why I chose them. The business card says Hey Beautiful with one of three slogans below:
Less Heels, More Healing - listen in some form or another we are all broken because we were raised by broken people. The sooner you can come to that realisation the less agony you will be in. What tends to happen is we think that purchasing external pleasures will ‘fix’ our brokenness. We chase after money and throw it at our problems. Buying all sorts of things; the cars, the house, the designer bags, shoes and perfumes, international trips and so on. Hoping they will validate your success, existence and self-worth. The truth is you should first be spending less on materialistic things, and invest more into getting the help that you need. I am an avid mental health advocate however, help does not always require medical assistance. Sometimes you need help to change your mindset and limiting beliefs. This can be done through coaching programs either in group settings or one on one. So figure out what area in your life you should heal. It can be one area at a time. Then kick your heels off and lie down on the proverbial couch.
N here is the real kicker, it’s inevitable you will f*@& up your child/ren because you are not perfect. That is just the journey they are meant to travel. Do your best, but don’t beat yourself up about it.
You Got This, Level Up - if you follow me then I hope you are striving for excellence and not perfection. Please do not settle in mediocre or believe that you do not deserve more than what you currently have. There is a difference between consciously choosing a rank because that is what gives you joy AND settling for less because you do not believe you deserve better or you don’t believe you have the capacity to achieve it. Please also note I want you to be winning in all areas of your life not just your career but your personal life too. Level Up - if it means you just got married and you want to learn how to cook or bake to give your husband more variety and healthier meals, then do the lessons. Level Up - if it means you want to start your first business but you don’t know anything about running a business, so seek advice from a mentor. Level Up - if hubby or bae has always handled the finances and you have no idea what you are worth as a couple. Stop saying I failed in mathematics, numbers confuse me. Learn the numbers, this could be the difference between you and your children continuing to live comfortably should bae transition unexpectedly. Level Up. Level Up. Level Up. You Got this! You are smarter than you give yourself credit for. If you don’t believe that, circle back to the Healing.
Build a Lifestyle and Not a Career - We have been socialised to pursue a certain path. Get really good grades in high school, go to university, find the dream job that pays you well, then get married. And this is where things come to a screeching halt because most women then have to grapple with the decision to choose between a career or stopping work to raise her family. In fact, some women choose to skip the marriage because they fore see that dichotomy and make the choice of career. Then you have single momma’s like me who have no choice but to pursue the career to provide for the child, but the reality is the nanny is raising your child and it breaks your heart every single day. Well what if you did not have to choose between a career and your family? What if you could build a lifestyle that suits your needs in the season that you are in? What if I told you it’s possible if you open yourself up to the possibility? I believe that one legacy that Covid-19 will leave is that the traditional framework from which jobs were executed can be conducted in a completely different way. Take for example a personal assistant, she finds that she is expecting and she wants to be home more to look after her child. She could become a virtual assistant, therefore, not only is she working from home but she gets to play a pivotal role in her child’s life like having breakfast together, doing the school run, helping do homework etc. Basic example, but let’s take it even further. Identify your purpose, operate in your genius and design your money making ventures around the things that are important to you. It is at this intersection where you will find fulfilment.
This is another reason why we need more women to be leaders because they can then implement company cultures that are empathetic to women. But that’s a conversation for another day.
I will say this though, I find with African people our default tendency is to dismiss problems as impossible to overcome. Just today I was speaking to a mentee. She was asking around for ideas of how she could make some pocket money. But every suggestion someone gave her she shot down with a reason why she could not do it. And yet I countered every excuse with a solution. I said to her, “I am not going to tell you what to do. That decision has to come from you. But when you find an obstacle, why not think first, I can get round this problem if I did …” For a long time, I have literally lived by the slogan, If you imagine it, you can create it. And I don’t care what IT is.
Okay. I’m done for today. I really want to know one of three things from you, what area are you going to seek healing in, what area of your life do you need to level up in and according to your values and priorities (another way of saying this season you are in) what type of lifestyle would suit you best? Make sure you write this in the comments. Then go full out to make it a reality in your life. Your family and career should work synonymously to be what we call your Lifestyle.
Honey, you can find me for a chat during the week on Instagram @Chulu_bydesign. Season One of the Africana Woman Podcast also just came to an end. Make sure you go check it out and share it with a friend. Listen I appreciate you so much for taking time out of your day to spend time reading my love letter. Thank you. If you think there is someone who can be blessed by this please do share this with them. So my lovely, go out and have a fantastic week and I will catch you next week Thursday. Remember, my desire is that you love yourself, flaws n all and attract the life that you desire.
Big Virtual Hug
Chulu