Kingdom Love

I did not realise how unprepared I am for a Kingdom Relationship. If you recall last year I declared I am ready to start dating and then ended up going on zero dates in the whole year. So I gave up on that goal and this year my focus is on writing the book I have been wanting to write for most of my life. This has meant going on a discovery about what I want to write about, what my values are and what impact do I want to have. I am very clear I want to write about Love. Imagine, me who has no experience with love, I want to articulate it through stories.

The world has taught us very clearly how to lust for one another. But the voices that are talking about true love are not loud enough. I think we generally need to shift the conversation to turning lust into trust. We are also inundated with horror stories around relationships. I honestly feel like the people who are happily married are keeping quiet about it so as we do not disturb their peace. They are the best kept secret, which has allowed the world to convince us they do not exist or it's not possible to be in a happy relationship. I said Happy not Perfect, that’s a fallacy.

Through my research I have learned I would like to be in a Kingdom Relationship. This is a relationship that is submitted to God almighty as the ultimate authority. For years I have been saying things like I want a man who knows God, but God is looking at me like, “I need to protect my sons from you lest you destroy them.” Sounds harsh but believe me when I say my mindset and beliefs around relationships was stank. It's that moment you realise you are not the ideal woman for your dream man. I am pretty sure spiritually I was like a bad smelling odour repelling Kingdom Men. It's just what it is.

Fundamentally, there are some questions you need to ask yourself to assess whether you are ready for a Kingdom Relationship. Here are the ones which stand out for me:

AM I WILLING TO BUILD MY KING WITH MY WORDS AND ACTIONS?

You are his accountability partner. You get to choose to be nice to him, To say encouraging words that keep him going, that make him believe in himself, that refuses to let him slide backwards. There is no space for you to get frustrated about being a source of affirmation to your life partner.

AM I WILLING TO LET GO OF MY VISION AND SUBSCRIBE FOR LIFE TO HIS VISION?

Stay with me Di means two. What happens when you put Di before Vision. What does it become? Di -Vision. Division in your relationship, division in your home. Is your vision so important that you are not willing to give it up? Vision is all about alignment. Find a man who holds a vision close to what you have intended for your life. I don’t think this means just because you follow his vision then you have no ambitions and you just sit at home. It’s about the quality of life you are creating together. This has plenty of space for your own personal achievements.

AM I WILLING TO BRING JOY TO MY KING'S LIFE?

I believe that means creating a safe space for him mentally, emotionally and physically. Make your home a place he looks forward to coming back to. It should be hard for him to leave your home. Make him laugh. Make him feel peace. Allow him to be vulnerable with you and his children. Communicate well together. Lets not forget look good for your King.

AM I WILLING TO BE A MOTHER?

Motherhood is not about bearing children. It’s about being an incubator for dreams, ideas, seeds, and sperm then returning it multiplied. It's about nursing your King when he is sick. It’s about nourishment. The physical health of your family starts from the kitchen. You may not cook it, you are however, responsible for what and how it is cooked.

AM I WILLING TO BE THE PROPHETESS IN MY RELATIONSHIP?

The Holy Spirit gives you gifts like intuition, insight, discernment, foresight, and empathy. It then becomes your duty to nurture these gifts so as you can utilize them in your relationship. This is not once in a while. Not every Sunday. Not on special days. DAILY Queen. Meet God at the foot of his throne daily to conversate with Him.

AM I WILLING TO SUBMIT EVERYTHING TO MY KING?

Your body, your finances, your time, your trust, your emotions, your secrets, your faith, your fears, EVERYTHING. Disclaimer submission is a very foreign concept to me. I did not grow up seeing it demonstrated. All I have heard about submission is that men abuse it. Why because we submit to worldly men or men who are not Kings.

Firstly, God will never force you to say I do. You get to choose who you submit to. What I am learning is that for a woman, submission looks like bringing your strengths and ego under control. Men’s greatest struggle is self control of his flesh because they need sex. Whereas, women our greatest struggle is defeating pride, letting go of our ego. Letting go of the need to be recognized and idolised for our skills, talents and actions. In a marriage, you are one body moving in the same direction which is forward, hopefully. But when a body part wants to be singled out for what it has done that causes tension. True submission is sacrifice of your glory and ego. Understand, just because he is the head, does not make him better than you. However, only one person can make that final executive decision. Which also means in your submission you must obey whether or not you disagree or don't understand.

A lot is expected of a Queen in a Kingdom Relationship but you best believe that it is the same for men. I am not talking about doing all of the above for sons of pharaoh. This is only for Kings who are in the presence of God (in Eden). Because a man can believe in God but it doesn't mean he is ready to be in a committed relationship.

This is how you can identify a King in Eden. He must have ALL of these. Not one, not three, not some, ALL. If he doesn't you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain. This is the list:

1. He must be in God's presence therefore he knows in whose image he is made in. In addition, he is also God fearing. Knowing God is not enough, he must fear God and be submitted to him as his authority.

2. He must be working. When God put Adam in Eden he set him to work long before Eve came along. If he is not working when you meet him, run. Another word for work is he must be responsible.

3. He has a vision for his life. You are meant to help him. With no vision, your assignment is not possible. He is meant to be a leader. With no vision, he is not leading you to anywhere good.

4. He is a cultivator. This means when he is given something he makes it better. Since you met him, are you better than when he found you?

5. He is a teacher of the Word of God. You should not have to force him to go to church, to read the Bible, and to fear God.

6. He should be submitted to another man in authority. This can be an elder, man of God, mentor etc. Why because men respect those above them, they love those below them and they fight anyone who claims equality with them. When you need him to be reprimanded, it must come from someone he respects otherwise he will not change.

7. He loves you the way Christ loves the church. Sacrificial love. A love that does not inflict any form of abuse or pain. A love that is passionate about you and equal to the way he loves his own body.

8. He protects you. Not just in the physical sense. He should cover you mentally and emotionally. It also doesn't mean he has to physically protect you himself, he can delegate by hiring able people to protect you. He should also protect you spiritually by utilizing his authority through Christ Jesus. He is a King after all.

As I mentioned, to identify a King in Eden, he must have all of the above. There are some very lovely men out there but if they are missing any of these things they are not Kingdom men neither are they equipped for a Kingdom Relationship.

Marriage is a mirror image of Christ’s relationship with the church. Christ is the perfect bridegroom and your King should strive to be Christlike.

I hope my little research blesses you. Feel free to add to the list in the comments. Please, please share this. I said to God, “I feel like a hypocrite for talking about love especially when I don't have it and have never experienced it” God said, “Even if you are not there yet, you still have the responsibility to teach about it.” So here I am in obedience.

It has been fascinating learning about all this. I wonder if my energy is now sweet smelling. Let's wait and see.

These are the Bible verses from which these principles are derived:

Genesis 1:26-28

Ephesians 5:22-33

Recommended resource:

Kingdom Principles of Fatherhood by Myles Munroe

In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man: the one who God approves and a woman wants by Michelle McKinney Hammond