The Secret Life of an Online Dater

Updated: May 16, 2021

Dear Africana Woman,

My love, how are you doing this week? I broke my phone! Gurl, my phone is my office and I have been living in perpetual agony for a week now. What is that one thing that you cannot live without? For me it is definitely my phone. I email, I make artwork, I record, I schedule, I can have zoom calls on the go, I listen to podcasts, I make videos, I take my photography, I record interviews. Oh my word! I just realised I am married to my phone. Like we are so tight. And this happens to be one of my favourite phones so far. I feel like I should have a burial ceremony. Thought I had the situation sorted in terms of a replacement but that fell through, so the agony continues. Chaaal, pray for me.

Then the dating saga continues. Well LACK thereof is more accurate. Let me tell you these dating apps are entertaining at best. I actually enjoy reading people’s profiles. You can tell who has had a number of encounters that left a distaste in their mouths. They will start off with, "Don’t send me nudes" lol. This other guy wrote, “I want to have children eventually, so if you are a medically made woman, like if the doctor gave you your female parts, do not send me a message.” Like how does someone actually write that? This other guy says … oh let me explain that on the app you see profiles and you either swipe left if you don’t like them or swipe right if you do like them. Now if you like someone, that person cannot see your profile unless you are on the paid membership. So if you want them to see you, you have to send them a message. Apparently we are all a bunch of cheapos because everyone posts “I cannot see likes, so send me a message.” Now this one guy writes on his profile, “Guys can we all just come together and agree that no one can see likes.” Yoh! I was floored. Another guy wrote, “I am not a sugar daddy, not a sponsor, not a blesser. Keep swiping.”

Now I have a theory. I think guys get more messages than women do. They don’t even bother trying to send messa