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Strong Friend Check In

Updated: May 16, 2021

Dear Africana Woman,

Howz it going? I am super hyped about this last week. A special group of ladies have been preparing for what I call the KNOW your Purpose retreat, which will be held on the 15 August. We are also preparing for an online version. This is an opportunity for women to find strategies to pour into themselves through self care and mindfulness. We are also identifying what we want and need to live a fulfilling life. I often find when you ask someone what do you want in life? They are not able to articulate it. More often than not we are sure of what we don’t want. However, to attract your best life you must be able to say what it is out loud. Therefore, this retreat allows us to be introspective and reflect on what is important to us. Already it is such a great experience. The women are amazing and bring a wonderful energy. Really it just warms my heart.

Today I do not have a specific topic per say. I just wanted to update you on what has been going on in my life. Are you ever that friend that is always being strong for your friends but no one ever checks in on you? Well this is me, letting down my hair (haha I don’t have hair) as the strong friend. This last week has been a whirlwind. Whilst it was a long weekend and I guess most people rest during such periods, no not me. I had a baking class and a wedding cake to deliver. I love teaching baking classes because we always get to a point in the class where the student says to me, “I thought it was complicated. I didn’t think I could do this.” It‘s the moment when the impossible becomes within your reach. Witnessing that shift in mindset is always magical for me because I believe we are all capable of achieving greatness. Yet we talk ourselves out of even trying. There is also wisdom in seeking help. Whilst its amazing to be self taught and learn things from online resources, when you choose to hire a coach, they will get you to where you want to go with precision and at a faster rate. Let me tell you, I am done with the mentality of ‘I will figure it out myself.’ No boo, somebody has been through what I want to do and if I just ask then my journey would be less painful.

Which is what I am doing in another project. I have a weekly chat called A Taste of Culture with Chulu on Instagram live. These are candid conversations with African women from across the world on topics that are affecting us. So far I have done 10 episodes and each time the conversations blow me away. Every woman has a story to tell and her wisdom is priceless. Nonetheless, these chats are basically sitting on my Instagram and not being shared with the world. So I have been thinking of converting this to a podcast. I have been dragging my feet y’all and making all sorts of excuses. Then last week I woke up and decided I would give myself permission to pursue this project. No lie, I jumped in my car and the first person I saw that day, I asked him if he could refer me to anyone that produces podcasts and he said, “Yes . I produce podcasts.” .... My coach always says, Give God something to bless. When he sees what you are working on, not thinking on, He will rise up to meet your needs. Anyway, look out for my podcast which should be dropping very soon. I am so excited.

Well, I also had the experience of doing too much. I cannot remember the last time I slept for a full night. The baking classes were long days then I had the wedding cake to do at night. It was a marathon. I ended up traveling with my student to deliver the wedding cake on a field trip. On the way back I was literally having a debate in my head about asking her to drive. I had slept maybe two hours and i could feel my body shutting down. Why is it that we find it so difficult to ask for help hey?Anyway, the night before I had listened to a podcast by Oprah talking about how Life first speaks to you in a whisper. The premise is that you often have nudges of things that you should pay attention to in your life however, we ignore the signs and then life hits us with a brick in our face to get our attention which is often a tragedy. So there was this woman who had gone to a party with her husband and two kids. When they left the party she drove and they ended up in an accident. The police found her with alcohol content twice the legal amount. One of her kids was even thrown from the car. Luckily all family members survived. Her husband usually drove but that day he had drank more than usual, and there was a point she could have said no I cannot drive but she didn’t. Anyway, I flashed back to that and thought nope, I will not be the one that keeps quiet. So I asked my student to drive. I honestly think if I hadn’t I would not be sitting here telling you this story. Sometimes we have to drop the super hero coat and just ask for help.

Finally, this week, I finally started seeing a therapist. I can see some of you shuddering at the thought. Talking about therapy is for white people. Well, this African chick is on the couch. Some of you may know this but last year I went through multiple anxiety attacks and a bout of depression that left me in bed motionless for days. This is also not the first time that I have sought counselling. When I had my son in university, the my dean sent me for counselling because she thought I had postpartum depression. I didn’t by the way. The second time was when I experienced a life threatening trauma. Funny thing is my family took me for prayers and the only thing I remember from that session was the priest saying to me see a therapist. I did and it was the best thing I ever did. Anyway, why am I back on the couch? Well I think there are some unresolved issues that I want to talk through. I believe you will only grow as much as you are willing to heal. Listen I am looking to do so much however I will not get there without dealing with what is blocking me right now. I also think it’s like opening your hand and letting go. Then your hand is free to receive something more and better. I have to let myself release the crap and the past and open myself up for abundance.

Lawd, if you made this far, I need to give you an award lol. But yeah that‘s been my week. Let me know what you have been up to and if you had any thoughts on anything I said above. I love hearing from you. Do post in the comments. If you are new here, please subscribe. If you are a regular Bella reader, I love you and appreciate you. Please share this with a friend if you liked it. Remember you can chat with me on Instagram @chulu_bydesign. Do join us in the Africana Woman community on Facebook for an in-depth conversation on these topics. Darling remember to love yourself flaws n all, and attract the life that you deserve.

love you babes,


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Chulu Chansa
Chulu Chansa
Aug 14, 2020

Lombe my darling, hey sis. I love it when i meet like minded people. I am looking forward to getting to know you.


Aug 08, 2020

Hi! I'm a brand new subscriber and you have totally won me over with this piece. I have so much to say but I'll let myself mull over it a little first. For now I'll just follow you everywhere because this is the kind of energy I need in my life. Thanks again :-)

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