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Recognising Love

Dear Africana Woman,

How are you hun? It is mid year and I figure I should give you an update on my dating life. As you know at the beginning of the year I decided that I wanted to go on my first date at 40. The question is "How is it going?" Ummm

Number of dates I have been on = 0

Number of times I have been asked out = 0

Number of times I have been set up on a blind date = 0

Well the other day I was driving to Lusaka and the guy at the toll gate took it upon himself to write his number on my receipt. Does that actually work as a way to pick up women? I think I was supposed to be flattered and call him. Kaya, I guess I looked desperate. Oro I am exuding Big D energy.

I know it looks like I am failing here but hear me out. I took time to reflect on the qualities that I want in a romantic partner. Then I made decisions about the standards I am available for and I gave myself permission to desire what I desire. Finally I asked God for a divine touch. I believe all things are working for my good and the whole universe is conspiring to help me achieve my goals.

I don't know if you know what God winks are. They are signs that demonstrate you are exactly where you need to be, you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing and and the thing you are watching for is near by. So this last week I was reflecting on a few things and it occurred to me that I am surrounded by the most loving and caring men all the time. Now this has not always been my opinion or experience of men in general. I did not grow up with my Dad. I did not have any father figure. For a long time I just thought of men as predatory and that's what I attracted. Very unpleasant experiences.

But fast forward to these last few weeks I just thought wow, I am such a lucky gurl. I'll explain a few instances. On a particular day I woke up to attend an event only to find I had a flat tire. My gardener was like, "Madam I can fix this" I was like okay. Let's see. He started working on it but I thought mm mmm this is not going well. So I called my mechanic. He came through fixed the tyre, taught my gardener how to change a tyre the right way. Then the mechanic pointed out there were three parts that needed immediate replacing. I said ok, let me look for the money. Three days pass and I called him to explain that I would only have the money the next week. He was like cool, "I will install the parts today, you can pay when you get the money. But at least you should be mobile." He did just that.

Then I was at a function and I twisted my ankle pretty badly. As the event coordinator, I took a pain killer and the show went on. One of the guys was like have you put ice on your foot, which at this point is looking like a football. He orders me to sit down and puts ice on it. When my son found out about my injury, he brought the car round to pick me up from the venue and drove me to our room. And he just made sure I did not lift a toe okay.

So when I got back to Kabwe, I went to the hospital to get an Xray just to make sure everything was okay. The first person I talked to was the absolute best. He went out of his way to make sure I was put at the top of the list for X-rays. Then he checked the xray himself, he sat me down and explained everything. Never met this man in my life. He said, "How did they treat you? Good. I told them you are my sister." Generally I dread government hospitals but this was the most stress free experience.

I know you are thinking, "Chulu what has this got to do with dating?"

Here is the thing, more often than not when we pray for things, God gives them to us but probably not in the way that we expect it. We want it to come in a specific way from a specific person. Right? I prayed for God to send me a caring, supportive, and generous man. But God loves me so much, that instead of sending one, I was sent many. A gardener who absolutely loves my garden and is always willing to learn new skills. A mechanic who ensures the vehicle I am driving is road worthy and safe (I did pay him the next week btw). A man who makes sure that I look after my foot. A son who is exactly what I needed. A doctor who decides I am his sister. I am surrounded by the most loving and caring men all the time.

I recognise that for me to see, feel and receive these acts of kindness from men is a HUGE point of growth for me. I am using completely different lenses through which I choose to form my beliefs and perspectives. Just knowing that this love is around me all the time is a God wink that Love is near. I think in the past I might not have been able to recognise love but these moments are teaching me how to receive it.

I don't know what you have been praying for. I don't know what you have been hoping for. It may be taking a long time to materialise in the exact way that you want it. But I am just inviting you to be open, to look around you, and just maybe Recognise Love and an answered prayer in the people around you. Choose to look at what you already have differently.

So no I have not been on any dates but God I am so loved.

Alright honey, that's all I got for you today. Ma'am I hope you know that the Africana Woman Festival is about a month away on 2-3 August. Get your tickets today! We are going to have some interesting conversations, just like this one hey. Remember my desire is that you love yourself flaws n all and design a life you absolutely love.

Love Love Love You


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