Expensive, Worthy, Drama

Dear Africana Woman,

How are you? I hope you are doing okay. Listen if all you can do is get up and bath, you are doing good. It is okay to not be okay. I know many of us have been going through a ting. I don’t want to pretend that you are not grieving. I want you to honour that space by first acknowledging it and then giving yourself permission to go through the emotions that come along with it. I am actually preaching to myself. I have been in denial these last few weeks so I have been avoiding the feels. I think this week I feel strong enough to face them. I say this because you cannot assign grief a deadline. It looks different for everyone. It feels different for everyone. It is at different rates for everyone. So don’t feel bad that you are not over it yet. However, do make a conscious choice to grieve. I would also say be kind to yourself. If you need time off then speak up. People around you cannot guess what’s going on in your mind so you have to tell them how they can support you.

Random unconnected thoughts have been running in my head this week. Bare with me.


I have two things to put on the table today.

#1 It’s Expensive. That statement irks me. A particular gentleman we have contracted to do some work for us, kept saying this statement to me. We had asked him to get quotes for supplies and tools. To every quotation he would murmur, “Mmm it’s expensive.” The number of times he said it really crawled under my skin.

We need to stop saying things are expensive. They are not. When you say it is expensive you are telling your brain that it is impossible for you to purchase that item. Which is a lie. If you found value in that item and it was a priority to you to purchase it, you could make a plan to purchase it. Meaning you can save up or you can ask to pay in instalments. So when you see something valued at a high price, and you determine that you are in need of the item, don’t take the easy road by declaring it’s expensive. Instead reframe the thought that comes in your mind. How about saying, “What do I need to do to afford this item?” I think people feel shame in not being able to pay for something immediately. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking weeks, months or even years to purchase a high valued item. In fact you would have picked up many lessons in the process of raising funds and the item will have deeper significance to you.

#2 Listen, I was having a conversation with a Zambian man in his mid 40’s probably. This is an honest man with a job that just barely supports him and all his dependents. He said to me, “White people are more blessed than us (black people).” I said, “Eschoose me. There is no way you can tell me that a white man is more blessed than me.” He then said, “When you look at white people (in the country) they