Dear Africana Woman,
How are you? I hope you are doing okay. Listen if all you can do is get up and bath, you are doing good. It is okay to not be okay. I know many of us have been going through a ting. I don’t want to pretend that you are not grieving. I want you to honour that space by first acknowledging it and then giving yourself permission to go through the emotions that come along with it. I am actually preaching to myself. I have been in denial these last few weeks so I have been avoiding the feels. I think this week I feel strong enough to face them. I say this because you cannot assign grief a deadline. It looks different for everyone. It feels different for everyone. It is at different rates for everyone. So don’t feel bad that you are not over it yet. However, do make a conscious choice to grieve. I would also say be kind to yourself. If you need time off then speak up. People around you cannot guess what’s going on in your mind so you have to tell them how they can support you.
Random unconnected thoughts have been running in my head this week. Bare with me.
THINGS THAT IRK ME
I have two things to put on the table today.
#1 It’s Expensive. That statement irks me. A particular gentleman we have contracted to do some work for us, kept saying this statement to me. We had asked him to get quotes for supplies and tools. To every quotation he would murmur, “Mmm it’s expensive.” The number of times he said it really crawled under my skin.
We need to stop saying things are expensive. They are not. When you say it is expensive you are telling your brain that it is impossible for you to purchase that item. Which is a lie. If you found value in that item and it was a priority to you to purchase it, you could make a plan to purchase it. Meaning you can save up or you can ask to pay in instalments. So when you see something valued at a high price, and you determine that you are in need of the item, don’t take the easy road by declaring it’s expensive. Instead reframe the thought that comes in your mind. How about saying, “What do I need to do to afford this item?” I think people feel shame in not being able to pay for something immediately. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking weeks, months or even years to purchase a high valued item. In fact you would have picked up many lessons in the process of raising funds and the item will have deeper significance to you.
#2 Listen, I was having a conversation with a Zambian man in his mid 40’s probably. This is an honest man with a job that just barely supports him and all his dependents. He said to me, “White people are more blessed than us (black people).” I said, “Eschoose me. There is no way you can tell me that a white man is more blessed than me.” He then said, “When you look at white people (in the country) they are all doing okay.” What he meant was they live in big houses, have a lot of money and don’t have to live hand to mouth like the average Zambian. I then explained to him that just because you see a few white people that come to live here who have the benefit of high incomes, does not mean that where they come from there are no poor white people. In fact, they are a lot of poor white people. Obviously they cannot come here because they cannot afford it and the media would rather show a black child with a fly on it’s mouth than the starved and homeless white folk with rotting limbs who cannot get medical attention because the system is sooo broken. I am not gleeful that poor white people exist. Rather, I am sensitive to the fact that a Zambian black man thinks he is lesser than a whole race because of the one percent that he is exposed to. How does one even rectify this kind of propaganda? I honestly do not have an answer for this. I just know that it irks me.
I KAN’T BE ALONE
I have been debating whether to start a new podcast that is a commentary about K-Drama’s. Nothing fancy, literally just talking. My fellow K-Drama fans please tell me if this is something that would tickle your fancy. I say this because the range of emotions that a series will take you through can be overwhelming, and every time I finish one I am like, I have to talk to someone about this, I can’t be alone. I am either bursting in anger at the villain. Mourning the person they killed off as if I knew him/her. Or just reflecting on the themes that were explored. Of course, I have no cultural context to know whether that’s an ideal the film makers are trying to make the public buy into or whether it is the norm. You know what I think I am going to do it. If you want to jump on and talk about a series we have both watched let me know. This is going to have spoilers from A-Z so don’t listen if you haven’t watched it yet.
Like I said, this week I have been a bit scattered in thought. Let me know in the comments what you think of the Things That Irk Me. If you are new here, welcome, please do subscribe and I promise to send you a love letter every week. Thank you to all the Live Hard Readers, you are such a blessing. The Africana Woman universe is a blog, podcast and visionary community. Learn more about what we do by exploring the website. Go on and live your best life. Remember I wish that you love yourself flaws n all, and attract the life that you desire.
Love you
Chulu